The Fury

Oh, that’s it. I’ve quite had enough of myself. I barely finished one scene and did 2/3 of another and that was all I did yesterday. I just laid in bed and didn’t write nearly enough.

I’m so, so fed up with myself. I really want to finish this rewrite as soon as possible, and I can’t believe it’s going so slow. Especially when I don’t need to figure out anything at all. It’s just streamlining, correcting, improving the narrative. It’s all fairly mechanical, technical stuff with very little creativity involved. But I keep getting distracted, and then my health goes bad, I get sick, and on and on, something always comes up and I’m so fed up with all of it. I just want to write and finish the books that I need to finish for publication.

I remember those days way back when I was still trapped in accounting and I was writing fanfic obsessively. It was my escape from how awful life was, and I desperately didn’t want to face the world so I wrote constantly. I wrote on my notes app, in random leftover copy paper, on my scheduler. I wrote while riding the subway, while walking to work and back home, while traveling between states going from one borrowed bed to another.

I want to go back to that state of mind where writing is my ultimate obsession.

You know, I’ve been looking back a lot lately, and things in my life have been improving quite a lot. But the improvements have only arrived because I’ve fought tooth and nail for them to arrive. I’ve dragged myself into a better state of life with all of my strength and survived by the narrowest edge. Letting myself rest in what I have will only kill me in the end, no matter how pleasant it may be in the moment.

So, here’s my best effort and idea right now: no social media until I finish that damn rewrite for SoulShattered 1.

No Facebook, no Instagram, no Twitter, no YouTube, hell not even Pinterest for me until I write the end on that damn book.

I need to move forward.