So close and so far

So, I’m moving to the climax/ending of Blood Song and as ALWAYS, I have to remake the outline because it is a mess and I am having so much difficulty getting any words down. I went from 2k a day, to barely 500 per day, even as stress from work is lessening. I mean, I should already be used to this because this is what always happens but honestly, it drives me insane every time.

I think I’m just extra pissed off lately because I’m just So Exhausted. I desperately need some serious rest. Today during a meeting, when I turned on the camera my boss said that I looked very tired and she sounded very worried. And I couldn’t even pretend that I wasn’t. I just told her that I really was very tired.

So tired in fact that even typing is a hassle. I’m just so fed up with everything and it’s all exhaustion to be honest.

I’m weaving the scenes I have and drafting the ones that I’m missing because as always, my ideas of the climax are an absolute mess, and I think that if I’m lucky this will only be about 30k more and then I can complete this book at 100k, and not 130k like Falling Stars. To achieve that, I’ll need to only get 12 more scenes, because I already have a few written, and there are 8 final scenes that are complete and absolutely need to be in the ending in the order that I already have them, so I don’t have much room to work with to complete the climax. But still… I could maybe get this book done in 100-105k…

God, that would be so great because I don’t think I have the strength to keep this story going for 60k more. I’m so close to collapsing.

And I mean, I could maybe take some days of rest to try and replenish my strength, but stuff at work isn’t complete yet, and I can’t make up my mind about taking days off (even though I definitely need it) and while I hesitate between resting and working, then I might as well keep working and at least fix up the outline because without the outline there’s no way I can make it to the end, but if I manage to finish a good enough outline, I could get back to doing at least 2k a day.

I’m rambling.

I’m exhausted.