The Lack Of Desire

For quite a bit now, and I think ever since my last job change*, I’ve been feeling this lack of motivation to succeed at my job. And it’s really hit me the way I’ve been feeling about the whole thing.

I don’t know if it’s the lack of stress, or the fact that due to the pandemic and other things I had to move in with my parents but I do not have any more motivation to achieve a better position. Whereas just a year and a half ago I was working my ass off to get a promotion, to start new projects, to be seen and recognized right now I just feel so… meh, about my work life. I wonder if it’s just a phase or what.

I mean, personally I’ve always been a very driven person. Always wanting more, working hard, looking for any opportunities to advance even though I was in shitty positions which were basically hopeless.

I wonder if it might be because I’m so comfortable where I am right now. Like, if you told me that I was going to keep doing the same job for the next ten years I would be quite happy and pleased.

It might be the age. I am not a youngun anymore. But I’m also not so old, if we’re being real.

And yet my drive to succeed in the corporate world is shot. Completely shot. The one thing I really wish for is for my publishing company to take off and allow me to do writing full time. Every time I think about it I feel the flare of my old drive resurfacing.

I wish I could see the future. I wish I could see where I’ll be in 3 years.

I have always used yearly goals, and like 5 year goals and so on, but…to be honest, one never knows what the morning will bring. Five years ago the morning brought me the best job I’d ever had. Three years ago the morning brought a pandemic. I can try all I want to rework and remake my personal goals, but… one never knows where one will be, and that’s the truth.

*I moved to a far less stressful and more independent position with a much better salary and work conditions